I stared at the TV stared through it looking right at it my eyes open but not seeing not sure if I’d gone blind. We’d all gone blind wasn’t like the old days wandering through the woods climbing trees fresh air and riding about on bikes we were numbed up by the monkey minds running wild can’t sit still for a minute soak it up and breathe….
I heard him coming up the stairs heard the front door open, knee jerk reaction of sadness, he came in asked me how my day was not looking at me opening the fridge and getting a beer mud on his shoes and leaving the fridge door open hated when he did that, hated it, could feel my blood boiling trapped in this cycle of resentment living a nightmare in a psychological prison.
Picked up the remote put it back down picked it up again turned up the volume the sound of his heavy breathing grating me fat prick lose some weight drinking and living himself to death I got up to go and make a cup of tea you want one I asked grudgingly? No answer just sitting staring at the window with the pictures and the people so I made my own wasn’t going to ask again looked out the window looked down at the trees blowing in the wind remembered being young being something else being a bit happy.
It started to rain I liked the rain heard the noise of it on the roof like camping when I was wee rain on the tent and feeling safe inside playing cards and passing time like it was eternal like it would never end but it does. Ticking and tocking relentlessly until it’s all gone went and sat down drinking my tea him still no even noticing me not realising I’m drinking tea and he’s no, not bothered by it or just blanking me out of spite I tutted sort of didn’t mean to but sort of did.
Went over to the French doors saw myself in the glass saw my reflection looked tired was tired skin had wrinkled eyes looked dead looking out not seeing not feeling. Someone on the TV laughed he laughed as well.
Same yesterday same tomorrow I took a walk to the balcony took a walk dropped myself off had enough.